June 2012
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
- When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
- When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
- When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
- When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
- When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
- When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
- When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
- When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
- When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
- When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
- When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
- When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
- When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
- Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
- When I'm doing the laundry: OUT, damned spot!
May 2012
BOOOM
- Jesus: Love thy neighbor as thyself
- Apostle: What if they’re gay?
- Jesus: Did I stutter?
Listen
The Titanic theme played on the recorder.
